Must My Wannabe Influencer Pal Stop Using People for Content?

One Side: One Friend's Perspective

At times I'm recorded while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it feels like a sudden shock.

A close companion of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to record everything all the time. During meals out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when strangers see her performing for the camera – I get secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but she is trying to be. She creates video blogs about city life, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. Sometimes she films me while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her feed afterwards, and it comes like a surprise: I’ll have no makeup on, making a strange expression or be captured while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

She also anticipates that I will to record her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I’ll be talking to someone else, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. I feel like our friendship has turned into me being her unpaid videographer. She could easily hire someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my discomfort about this arrangement, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I spend assisting her create material.

I appreciate that she has supported me with my design career, but I resist our friendship to become merely a tally of favours. I don't believe she’s fake or dishonest, but at times I feel that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with someone. It feels forced. It's crucial her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I love spending time with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being recorded, altered, or shared for an viewers. I am not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want my friend to see that the content we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about creating videos. It’s not just a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online enables me to show my personality and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to make money from your interests. I admire people on TikTok who pull off that style of casual, DIY content creation.

Content creation is my version of living actively: noticing the nuances, posting them with an audience that values the art behind it. I never intend to make Beth uncomfortable. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my way of offering access, giving her a opportunity to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could help her professional path too. That isn't leverage, it's simply being realistic.

I would take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see the benefits the work we make together can achieve: a foot in the door. I understand not everyone likes being on camera, but often unplanned moments is what makes content authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I would delete anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my personal filmmaker, but friends support one another in small ways. I thought recording a short video here or there would be fun for Beth. Innovation flourishes in partnership, and having my friend around makes projects energetic and pleasurable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I would never intentionally humiliate her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I value Beth’s friendship profoundly and want to avoid making videos to come between us. I am ready to compromise: like asking before recording, and steering clear of angles that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about control, it’s about sharing my world while still considering hers. Obviously making content is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I live my life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and her friend when they are socializing?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a companion film you. I get that it's her job, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Maybe she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. Given the dark, looming future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn't imply everyone around her is content. She needs to respect her friend's privacy.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and showing off her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has assisted her friend professionally, but she must to hear what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you value each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the priority in your relationship. Create some authentic experiences, where true emotions are stored, not digital scrapbooks. Even public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Both seem confused as to where the line is. The answer is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing clear boundaries around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable compromise.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle exploiting their friendship?